![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
Threw away comfortable but old and falling apart undies. Am a little sad.
So. The Threesome Handbook. Y'all know why I bought that, don't you? Whatever you think: it honestly wasn't because of the subject. I would have bought Vicki Vantoch's book whatever it was about (with the exception maybe of gardening or golf;) because she happens to be a person that I'm interested in by proxy. *grins*
From my previous posts on the book, both written while I was reading it (about three way marriage in the Netherlands and using astrology to find a partner), you may have gotten the impression that I was disappointed. I am not!
The Threesome Handbook is an interesting and informative book, written in a fun style with loads of personal accounts of the good, the bad and the ugly sides of threesome relationships. I learned a lot. I was surprised there were more combinations of three people than I thought and it was a joy to be educated on the subject.
I can't even handle a relationship with one person, so I'm fascinated by people who are willing to open themselves up to others, and exponentially so by people who are able to share.
It's just that I was thrown off immediately in the introduction by the casual mentioning of a three way marriage in the Netherlands. Based on being Dutch, I knew that couldn't be true (and not because I hadn't heard of it;). It annoys me a lot when authors or editors offer that kind of argument and then fail to provide a source. I tried to let it go and read on, only to find another more specific mention on page 120:
Any Dutch person could tell you right away there is something wrong with this information. The names are obviously misspelled. And if one can't even get those right, what is the worth of the actual statement? Not satisfied with the lack of a source, I decided to do some research on my own, if only to check if I was right about marriage in the Netherlands always being between two people.
Now before I give you my findings, let me once again assure you that the book is awesome. This three-way-marriage issue is the ONLY verifiable news-item on the subject of threesomes mentioned in the book. The rest of the book is based on Vantoch's research amongst American threesomes and contains a lot of useful tips from several personal accounts. The only other actual-fact that's used for comparison is the 50% divorce rate for traditional marriages in the U.S., which I feel no need to dismiss, as I suspect that's pretty accurate.
I would also like to make clear that I don't attack out of spite. Even though my hopes were smashed after inititally being told that bisexual single women are the most desirable amongst threesomes. Apparently being a loner puts me on the list of 'people to avoid in three-ways' and my starsign is the only one that scores a measly 1 out of 4 on the threesome meter. Fuck. It's a good thing Capricorns don't believe in astrology.
The truth about marriage and civil unions in the Netherlands
Here is a news article about the "marriage" between one man and two women that Vantoch refers to in her book.
While judging the tone of the articles1, be aware of the source: it's a self-stated conservative newspaper. For the record: I went through the archives of several progressive and neutral Dutch newspapers, but could NOT find even a tiny article on the event. Isn't that fascinating?
My summary of facts: in September 2005 married couple Victor and Bianca de Bruijn signed a cohabitation contract (samenlevingscontract*) with Mirjam Geven, who came to live with them after she divorced her husband. Victor wore a suit, the women both wore traditional weddingdresses.
Spot the difference:
Burgerlijk huwelijk = civil marriage (For all couples since 2001)
Geregistreerd partnerschap = civil union (Introduced in 1998)
Samenlevingscontract = a cohabitation contract: a written agreement, sometimes registered before a notary. (can be between two or more people sharing a house)
A marriage and a union are recorded in civil registration ("opgeslagen bij de burgerlijke stand"), a cohabitation contract is not.
Additional information
In Dutch law marriage and civil union are equal but for the issue of children born from the relationship: in the latter children are not automatically recognized as offspring from both partners; the father has to acknowledge the children to be registered or -in same sex unions- the partner can adopt the child to be equal parents under the law.
To end a civil union you don't need to go to court, but when you want to divorce you do have to get permission from a judge.
Conclusion: the threesome mentioned above may have worn wedding attire when they signed their agreement, but that does not make it a marriage (nor a civil union), no matter how they personally feel about it.
1When judging my tone; be aware I'm a green, left-wing, feminist, bisexual and celebate woman. (If you need additional, possibly relevant information, ask! :-)
The Threesome Handbook by Vicki Vantoch is available at The Bookdepository
From my previous posts on the book, both written while I was reading it (about three way marriage in the Netherlands and using astrology to find a partner), you may have gotten the impression that I was disappointed. I am not!
The Threesome Handbook is an interesting and informative book, written in a fun style with loads of personal accounts of the good, the bad and the ugly sides of threesome relationships. I learned a lot. I was surprised there were more combinations of three people than I thought and it was a joy to be educated on the subject.
I can't even handle a relationship with one person, so I'm fascinated by people who are willing to open themselves up to others, and exponentially so by people who are able to share.
It's just that I was thrown off immediately in the introduction by the casual mentioning of a three way marriage in the Netherlands. Based on being Dutch, I knew that couldn't be true (and not because I hadn't heard of it;). It annoys me a lot when authors or editors offer that kind of argument and then fail to provide a source. I tried to let it go and read on, only to find another more specific mention on page 120:
Any Dutch person could tell you right away there is something wrong with this information. The names are obviously misspelled. And if one can't even get those right, what is the worth of the actual statement? Not satisfied with the lack of a source, I decided to do some research on my own, if only to check if I was right about marriage in the Netherlands always being between two people.
Now before I give you my findings, let me once again assure you that the book is awesome. This three-way-marriage issue is the ONLY verifiable news-item on the subject of threesomes mentioned in the book. The rest of the book is based on Vantoch's research amongst American threesomes and contains a lot of useful tips from several personal accounts. The only other actual-fact that's used for comparison is the 50% divorce rate for traditional marriages in the U.S., which I feel no need to dismiss, as I suspect that's pretty accurate.
I would also like to make clear that I don't attack out of spite. Even though my hopes were smashed after inititally being told that bisexual single women are the most desirable amongst threesomes. Apparently being a loner puts me on the list of 'people to avoid in three-ways' and my starsign is the only one that scores a measly 1 out of 4 on the threesome meter. Fuck. It's a good thing Capricorns don't believe in astrology.
The truth about marriage and civil unions in the Netherlands
Here is a news article about the "marriage" between one man and two women that Vantoch refers to in her book.
While judging the tone of the articles1, be aware of the source: it's a self-stated conservative newspaper. For the record: I went through the archives of several progressive and neutral Dutch newspapers, but could NOT find even a tiny article on the event. Isn't that fascinating?
My summary of facts: in September 2005 married couple Victor and Bianca de Bruijn signed a cohabitation contract (samenlevingscontract*) with Mirjam Geven, who came to live with them after she divorced her husband. Victor wore a suit, the women both wore traditional weddingdresses.
Spot the difference:
Burgerlijk huwelijk = civil marriage (For all couples since 2001)
Geregistreerd partnerschap = civil union (Introduced in 1998)
Samenlevingscontract = a cohabitation contract: a written agreement, sometimes registered before a notary. (can be between two or more people sharing a house)
A marriage and a union are recorded in civil registration ("opgeslagen bij de burgerlijke stand"), a cohabitation contract is not.
Additional information
In Dutch law marriage and civil union are equal but for the issue of children born from the relationship: in the latter children are not automatically recognized as offspring from both partners; the father has to acknowledge the children to be registered or -in same sex unions- the partner can adopt the child to be equal parents under the law.
To end a civil union you don't need to go to court, but when you want to divorce you do have to get permission from a judge.
Conclusion: the threesome mentioned above may have worn wedding attire when they signed their agreement, but that does not make it a marriage (nor a civil union), no matter how they personally feel about it.
1When judging my tone; be aware I'm a green, left-wing, feminist, bisexual and celebate woman. (If you need additional, possibly relevant information, ask! :-)
The Threesome Handbook by Vicki Vantoch is available at The Bookdepository
no subject
Civil unions were mostly introduced so gay and lesbian couples could register their relationship. I understand that now any couple can get officially married, only people who have issues with traditional marriage choose civil unions instead.
no subject
Wife = kone or hustru (kone is more common that the mor old facioned hustru (hustru is a version of husfrue which means "house wife" - U know - the lady of the house)
Spouse = ektefelle.
no subject
Heh: a house wife = 'huisvrouw' in Dutch!