On being a fandom-artist [Look at me, I'm dancing crazy!]

[beelikej]

Wahey, both my pieces of artwork for the spn_reversebang got claimed yesterday. \o/ One of them in the first comment even! I may have giggled hysterically when that happened;)
Both "my" authors wrote wonderful BigBangs this year and have impressive fandomresumés so I'm truely honoured they chose my designs for inspiration. I'll tell you their names after the reveal. Right now I'm going to share my fanart insecurities. Because perfect timing is my middle name, are my middle names. You know what I mean. I don't even have a middle name.


So I'm an artist. Although I mostly make digital designs, which according to some people shouldn't be called art. Those people make me snort, because they are DUMB. Whether you draw with a pencil, paint with a brush, use Photoshop or any other medium to make something, you are being creative and that is what matters. In my opinion anyone who is willing to offer their time and talent to fandom is a worthy asset. You may not like what they do, it doesn't make them any less of an artist and they certainly have earned a place in fandom.
To me it's not important how long someone works on something either: that is not a measure of commitment nor talent. It's intent that matters to me.
My intention is to be creative and hopefully offer authors and their readers a little something extra to enjoy.

*steps off soapbox*

That was not what I wanted to talk about. Although I intentionally wanted to rant about the lack of attention for artists in fandom, after some consideration I meant to stick to my own experience in fandom. That has been pretty damn marvelous. I've gotten to know awesome people and received great comments on my creations. The silly thing is that I'm sometimes more concerned about the comments I don't get. Don't get me wrong: I love the love and I not only appreciate, but certainly believe the positive feedback I get. (I wouldn't post my artwork if I wasn't at least a little bit happy with what I made;)
It's just that I sometimes brace myself for (constructive) criticism and that's hardly ever given.

As you may know I like to try new techniques, so among other things I have made pencil drawings, worked with clay and build special sets as a base for photographs. For my latest RB project I did something completely different again. However, what I'm most experienced in and what I like to improve myself in is manipulating photos. I hesitate to discribe it like that because 'manips' is almost considered a dirty word and I must admit I also associate it with roughly cut out heads digitally pasted on bodies in porn scenes. NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT, but that's not what I do *grins*

My digital designs are usually a bit more subtle. I prefer to use existing photographs of my subjects and tweek those just enough to fit my purpose of suggesting a relationship. I also love dressing them up for the occasion or giving them props for whatever part I want them to play.

Strangely enough I get more appreciative comments on the little handdrawn pieces I add than on the main photoshopped artwork that I put most time and effort in. Not to dismiss my talents with pencils or markers (and Illustrator), but I'm seriously much more accomplished in the art of photomanipulation. Those pieces may look effortless or easy to make, but while most people apparently think drawing by hand is more complicated, for me building manips takes a lot longer than sketching.

While I'm creating, I'm not showing my progress to anyone in fandom except the author, who most graciously usually tells me they like where I'm going, even if I specifically ask for harsh critique. I completely understand their predicament, so I'm not complaining, but it's hard to judge your own work in progress.
I don't want to have any of my artist friends as a beta, because I always assume they will be the only ones taking a look when the art finally is revealed and I don't want to ruin the surprise or decrease the already limited amount of comments I will get. (Yes, I know I've gotten plenty of attention in the past, but this time surely fandom will ignore me)

So I show my work to my family and co-workers to get some feedback and I usually find my faults during those presentations even if my audience doesn't notice because of their lack of knowledge about fandom or what the hell it even is my art is supposed to represent.
Then I will keep on fiddling with my design until the deadline forces me to stop and put it out there. Which is of course the moment I will discover that huge obvious mistake I made and the thing that will make me a laughing stock in fandom and beyond.

The latter doesn't happen, but just to make sure and to finally get some honest input, I check the anonmeme to see if I'm mentioned. Most of the time I'm not, because people usually focus on the content of the story and completely ignore the art that is neither too bad nor too good to discuss. Sometimes I am noticed though and I was really pleased with the one (1!!) comment I got on my recent BigBang artwork.

Re: SPNJ2BB: To See the World in a Grain of Sand [J2, R] by belledewinter
"beelikej's work is really improving. I like the banner and really like the hand-drawn dividers.
The picture of Jensen- he looks a little short for some reason. The pose maybe or because he's between the other two and his shot is further back.
I don't know. I'm not big on those photo-still type of pictures anyway but I like everything else."

Thank you, unknown commenter! That first sentence made me raise my eyebrows because I haven't a clue what your point of reference is, but the second made me smile. What I really like about this comment is the rest; this is the kind of comment I would have loved to respond to in my own journal. This is the type of critisism that will help me grow as an artist. I really appreciate it when people are letting me know about these things.
(I did indeed have some issues with that image of Jensen but in the end I decided his pose fit with the insecure character he had in the story and the old fashioned clothes were meant to be a tiny bit uncomfortable, so I forced myself to stop fiddling.)

What no one mentioned about that set of artwork though was the one that worried me most: exotic Jared. Sure, some people commented on the eyeliner, which was nice, because I don't have any knowledge of how to apply make up myself, so I'm never sure I'm doing it right. (For Jeff as a pirate I at least had the example of Johnny Depp's original Captain Jack, but for this exotic Jared I had no clue, so it was good to know I didn't ruin his face:)
I was mostly concerned about his body, because that wasn't his own and I thought people would immediately point this out, but no one said anything and so I got nervous that maybe he looked like a really bad manip and people just avoided the issue, but I was afraid to ask, because what if they simply hadn't noticed and would feel betrayed when they found out I didn't use Jared's own body. And so on and so on in the eternal circle of 'If you're not saying what's wrong, I'm not gonna ask'.

There are probably artists who really only want nice comments and they certainly deserve that. When in doubt it's best to apply the 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all' rule, but I honestly don't mind if you point out mistakes or ask me questions about my artwork. So for this next challenge that is coming up, I encourage you to share all your thoughts.

Of course it's still perfectly fine if you can't do anything else but squee ;-)

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Djeebs, this turned out long and I only talk about me, oops. TL;DR: Being an artist in fandom is awesome, but I sometimes wish y'all would show me a little bit more tough love.

Curious about my previous artwork? Here's my masterlist of artsy creations.
Feel free to quietly ogle or roll up your sleeves and have at it!

Comments

[bflyw.livejournal.com]

More tough love - got it! ;-)

But yeah, I agree with everything you are saying. Basically for me - art is to find a way to express what you want to express! It doesn't matter if that is with words, a photo camera, in photoshop, with painting brush or with a pencil. The process of getting to the end result start with that first thought of "what is it that I want to say" and the next thought "How can I go about to express that?" - and then you start to built it up - putting in all those large or small details - finding the color scheme - adding the amount of light and shadows etc. Shall I make art that screem it out loud, or do I make subtle art that makes you discover new details the longer you look at it?

I do feel that artists has gotten more cred lately - but I have no hard facts to back up my statement. It might just because I am more happy as an artist now. I have noticed that the moment I - and you as well - took that step out of my comfort zone, and started to experiment more, the more satisfied I am about my own artwork even without the comments.
I have also getting more comments when I post something about the progress. I didn't do this to get more comments - but I can admit that the first time I did it, it was to show them how much effort it takes to make photomanips. That was a response to a little too many comments - everywhere - about how photomanips are not real art.

What I discovered though was that people really liked my ramble about the progress - and I really love when I can read that in other artist's post as well. And I especially love it when I end up chatting with different artists about how we go about things. I have learned so much from other artists.

And I also think that since the two of us took that step out of our comfort zones, and talking more about it, I have started appreciating different things in your art - and also appreciating your comments on my art even more. I notice more now what I think you must be satisfied with in your art, because I see more of the work that must have gone into it.

[beelikej.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes on all of the above!

The process of getting to the end result starts with that first thought of "what is it that I want to say" and the next thought "How can I go about to express that?" - I use the same steps!

I did also sense a rise in acknowledgement and appreciation for artists, but was still surprised to find BB community posts without a banner, while the artposts clearly had suitable pieces that would have gotten much needed attention for both the story and the artist. I hope the Reverse Bang does better this year, because I remember the same thing happening there last time, which was very disappointing seeing as that challenge is supposed to be about art as an incentive!

I too started adding information about the proces for exactly the same reason: to show that it's not just slapping a face on a body, but also thinking about shading and colours and details. It's great when people pick up on that!

You were definitely my inspiration for trying a different approach when you decided to visualize your feelings about a story in an artpiece as opposed to working within the frame of its content. That was the first time I realized I could actually experiment with form.

I really like how we explored not only our art but the ideas behind it. I still am too constricted in the rules of my trade, but taking small steps outside that comfortzone is awesome.

[bflyw.livejournal.com]

:-)
I also notice that when I do enjoy making art even more - and have that feeling of being respected for it - it's easier for me just concentrating on art (which is what I am best at) and doesn't have that need to write fic to have a position in fandom so to speak. It might be that I will write more fics - I don't know. But writing fic has, for me, been more like pulling teeth and not getting that much out of it. So if I spend my time making art - and being more brave about it - I get more joy out of it. And basically, that is my purpose. And that should be my purpose, because this is no job, so no one wants to pay me to do it :-)

[beelikej.livejournal.com]

I admire your ability to write stories in a language that isn't your own, especially considering the amount of time I need to write a decent post in English;) I'm not surprised that's not as relatively relaxing as working on art.
Art is such a marvelous escape from real life.