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beelikejThis is it. I finally wrote that article about why I consider myself to be bisexual. Even though I feel it's weird that I should have to explain myself, I tried anyway. Hetero-sexuals are never asked to defend their feelings, but gays, lesbians and bisexuals somehow are expected to sit down and let people know. I didn't experience this myself, but sometimes even I feel like I have to explain.
For instance when I heard someone at my brother's birthdayparty say that 'bisexuals are frowned upon in the gay-community' [because they are seen as closeted homosexuals]. I didn't jump in and start a discussion and I felt guilty for not saying anything. Because I am bi, so why didn't I 'come out' at that moment? Am I afraid of the confrontation, or is it that I feel I can't just say it without having to defend or explain myself?
But even if I don't talk about often, I have no problem telling people I'm bi. I mention it in my lj-profile and in online-communities if it comes up in conversation. Of course I also spoke about it with (some of) my familymembers.
And after seeing a documentary about bisexuality on the Discovery Channel , in which was stated -again- that people call themselves 'bisexual' because they can't admit being gay, I decided it was time to write an article in my dutch blog to let everyone know how I see myself. This is a translation of the original article.
(FYI: links to pictures are all PG)
I have been celibate for years now and some people wonder how you know your preference if you don't have sex. But you don't need to have a relationship to know your gay, lesbian or straight, right? I think it's not just about sex, but it's mostly about attraction. Because I knew even before my sexual encounters with others who I was. I'm not a lesbian and most certainly not afraid to be labelled as one, I just like both men and women.
And that might surprise you, because to most people I'm known for my drooling over male celebrities. Yes, I can't stop babbling about Kevin, George, Gael and all those other guys. And my walls and computerscreen are both a display of my love for gorgeous men.
That's because my feelings towards women are different. Obviously I'm a girl myself and somehow that makes it more intimate. Men are other creatures I can look at with wonder, women make me feel raw and vulnerable. I do have pictures of women in my collection, but they are not really suitable for public viewing (sorry). The men are easier to share;-)
As for the constant chatting about cute guys; I wouldn't know who to talk to about my feelings for Kylie, Amy Lee of Jodie. But maybe I have done that occassionaly anyway, but you just didn't notice:-p
Because I never really thought it was strange, but always considered it to be normal how I felt about guys and girls. I figured everyone had bisexual feelings.
I remember some project in highschool when I was participating in a test two classmates had set up to test what excited people. One of the films they showed was a girlfriendly pornmovie. I wasn't shocked that I scored pretty high on this part of the test. I wasn't embarrassed to admit it, nor did I start to doubt myself. I just thought that was how it was.
And when I did a two weeks course on the subject of 'sex' in university, the only thing that freaked me out a little was the naked bit (in educational sex-films, not 'live', it was medschool, what did you think?;) not the personal tests or the score I got on my preference-list.
Another memory from those college-years: truth-or-dare at a party, where everyone was asked wether they were straight, gay or lesbian (the available flavours...says it all, really). My answer then was that I didn't like to label people or myself. I think it was the most outspoken I ever was in company...
As to the subject of 'being in love' -maybe the ultimate expression of attraction- that's too personal. I don't like having a crush on someone, it makes me feel very self-consious and insecure and I refuse to give in to that. I will say that I have experience with these feelings for both guys and girls.
I always have had trouble accepting that other people feel and think differently than I. So for me it's a bit strange when people label themselves exclusively straight, gay or lesbian. But I realise that is my problem. It's part of how I in general feel about people: I can't really deal well with others, male or female. Because 'they' approach life differently I often find 'them' stupid and/or dumb (nothing personal;) and both men and women tend to dissapoint me.
That explains why I'm single and why I'd happily stay that way. So why do I want to make it clear that I'm bisexual anyway? Because I think my feelings are just as real and justified as the ones that straight, gay or lesbian people have. And like everyone else I don't need to ignore who I am. I can't see myself in a relationship, but that doesn't mean I don't think about being with someone else every now and then.
And I'm not going to tell you about all my fantasies (you're welcome;) but if someone ever meets my high standards and expectations and that person would want to try to have a relationship with me, it could be either a man or a woman.
So that's why I label myself bi-sexual, until proven otherwise *g*
For instance when I heard someone at my brother's birthdayparty say that 'bisexuals are frowned upon in the gay-community' [because they are seen as closeted homosexuals]. I didn't jump in and start a discussion and I felt guilty for not saying anything. Because I am bi, so why didn't I 'come out' at that moment? Am I afraid of the confrontation, or is it that I feel I can't just say it without having to defend or explain myself?
But even if I don't talk about often, I have no problem telling people I'm bi. I mention it in my lj-profile and in online-communities if it comes up in conversation. Of course I also spoke about it with (some of) my familymembers.
And after seeing a documentary about bisexuality on the Discovery Channel , in which was stated -again- that people call themselves 'bisexual' because they can't admit being gay, I decided it was time to write an article in my dutch blog to let everyone know how I see myself. This is a translation of the original article.
(FYI: links to pictures are all PG)
I have been celibate for years now and some people wonder how you know your preference if you don't have sex. But you don't need to have a relationship to know your gay, lesbian or straight, right? I think it's not just about sex, but it's mostly about attraction. Because I knew even before my sexual encounters with others who I was. I'm not a lesbian and most certainly not afraid to be labelled as one, I just like both men and women.
And that might surprise you, because to most people I'm known for my drooling over male celebrities. Yes, I can't stop babbling about Kevin, George, Gael and all those other guys. And my walls and computerscreen are both a display of my love for gorgeous men.
That's because my feelings towards women are different. Obviously I'm a girl myself and somehow that makes it more intimate. Men are other creatures I can look at with wonder, women make me feel raw and vulnerable. I do have pictures of women in my collection, but they are not really suitable for public viewing (sorry). The men are easier to share;-)
As for the constant chatting about cute guys; I wouldn't know who to talk to about my feelings for Kylie, Amy Lee of Jodie. But maybe I have done that occassionaly anyway, but you just didn't notice:-p
Because I never really thought it was strange, but always considered it to be normal how I felt about guys and girls. I figured everyone had bisexual feelings.
I remember some project in highschool when I was participating in a test two classmates had set up to test what excited people. One of the films they showed was a girlfriendly pornmovie. I wasn't shocked that I scored pretty high on this part of the test. I wasn't embarrassed to admit it, nor did I start to doubt myself. I just thought that was how it was.
And when I did a two weeks course on the subject of 'sex' in university, the only thing that freaked me out a little was the naked bit (in educational sex-films, not 'live', it was medschool, what did you think?;) not the personal tests or the score I got on my preference-list.
Another memory from those college-years: truth-or-dare at a party, where everyone was asked wether they were straight, gay or lesbian (the available flavours...says it all, really). My answer then was that I didn't like to label people or myself. I think it was the most outspoken I ever was in company...
As to the subject of 'being in love' -maybe the ultimate expression of attraction- that's too personal. I don't like having a crush on someone, it makes me feel very self-consious and insecure and I refuse to give in to that. I will say that I have experience with these feelings for both guys and girls.
I always have had trouble accepting that other people feel and think differently than I. So for me it's a bit strange when people label themselves exclusively straight, gay or lesbian. But I realise that is my problem. It's part of how I in general feel about people: I can't really deal well with others, male or female. Because 'they' approach life differently I often find 'them' stupid and/or dumb (nothing personal;) and both men and women tend to dissapoint me.
That explains why I'm single and why I'd happily stay that way. So why do I want to make it clear that I'm bisexual anyway? Because I think my feelings are just as real and justified as the ones that straight, gay or lesbian people have. And like everyone else I don't need to ignore who I am. I can't see myself in a relationship, but that doesn't mean I don't think about being with someone else every now and then.
And I'm not going to tell you about all my fantasies (you're welcome;) but if someone ever meets my high standards and expectations and that person would want to try to have a relationship with me, it could be either a man or a woman.
So that's why I label myself bi-sexual, until proven otherwise *g*
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no subject
Date: 2006-05-18 01:30 pm (UTC)Ugh, yeah. So, so stupid.
Anyway, great essay. Although I think I'm mostly straight, I still don't really like to label myself. Labels are stupid. :'3
no subject
Date: 2006-05-18 09:51 pm (UTC)Labels are dumb, but what's worse: they allow no room for change.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-03 08:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-03 08:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-03 08:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-03 09:02 pm (UTC)